There are 3 Core Needs for a marriage broken by betrayal:
1. Healing for the one who has been betrayed,
2. Healing for the one who has comitted the betryal, and,
3. Healing for the relationship.
When these needs are not separately addressed, 3 mistakes often take place...
MISTAKE #1: The betrayer pushes too hard and pressures for reconciliation.
MISTAKE #2: The one betrayed pulls away and does not get proper help and support.
MISTAKE #3: The couple spins in a destructive cycle, without any plan for recovery.
THE HEALING PATH
Our recovery process offers a coordinated plan that allow both parties to find a healing path:
1. HEALING FOR HER. Being sexual betrayed (in most of our work it's the wife) is like getting hit by two barrels: the sexual behavior, and the life of lies wrapped around those behaviors. The betrayed often feels unsafe, mistrustful and unmoved by her husbands promises to change. He might feel new hope, but she is laying under the pile of bricks he unloaded. What she often needs most is safety, support, and a place to find healing for her wounded heart.
2. HEALING FOR HIM. Stopping the harmful activity is only the first step toward healing. Since all infidelity and addiction is rooted in a selfish demands, true healing begins when a person faces his self-centered way of living, and then learns the slow hard process of relating to his wife with patience and understanding rather than neediness, avoidance or control.
3. HEALING FOR THE RELATIONSHIP Both the betrayer and the betrayed are wounded people. The way they relate in the aftermath of a confrontation is crucial, but often confusing, frustrating and harmful. While traditional "marriage counseling" may not helpful, sitting down with a third party to define healthy ground rules can provide shelter from the storm, and a place for healthy relating to begin.